just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Randomize
