when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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