I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
