just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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