I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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