he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We left an ass print on the piano.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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