im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
