when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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