My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
