You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
