I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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