your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
