i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
