saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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