Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
