Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
