My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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