The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dick very happy bro
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