My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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