By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
