:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
