i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Buhtt sex?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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