ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize