I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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