I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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