so that wasnt chicken after all
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
