if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
