that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
