she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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