they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize