So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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