my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
