i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
