I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize