I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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