Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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