Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
