Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
