I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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