I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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