when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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