how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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