All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
