woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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