Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
