Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
