Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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