im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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