If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
