i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
