Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
