he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
