Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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