Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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