I didn't shave. On purpose
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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