Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
