I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
