It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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