I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
