He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My bed smells like the plague
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
