Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
