WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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