I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
