I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
