I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Couch. On fire.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
