I think i peed on brittanys purse
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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