You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
