This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
