my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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