help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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