Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
