What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize