so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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