I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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