dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
